So was looking for a book in the garage and after digging through 3 boxes I found my old journal instead. I read a few of the poems I had written before God brought Raymond back into my life and decided to share. These poems truly show how dark life can be. No I am not a poet, but these are a perfect example of the pain I was feeling at the time. I never thought they would be worth anything so I never named them. Well now they are a priceless reminder of the pain God has delivered me from! Praise God for His Faithful love!
Poem 1:
Anger sweeps through my veins,
Almost as necessary as the blood itself,
That anger keeps me safe,
It keeps my delicate heart from shattering,
It keeps my balance in check,
It gives me something to feel,
It keeps me from realizing where I've failed,
I just want to be happy again.
Poem 2:
What is it about me,
That makes me so easily replaced,
Is it the way I smile,
Or the way I laugh,
Is it the way I kiss,
Or maybe the way I touch,
Is it the way I care,
And strive for love,
Maybe it's my awkward nature,
Or the way my thoughts take me over,
Maybe I was made wrong,
Maybe I was God's one mistake.
Poem 3:(At the turning point but a long way from whole)
Where were you,
When my childhood was stripped away,
Where were you,
When I was crying everyday,
Where were you,
When I married the wrong man,
Where were you,
When I ran out of plans,
The true question is,
Where was I,
My heart knew no love,
Like that of your truth,
My mind knew no wisdom,
Like that in your book,
My life knew no meaning,
Like that which you give,
My world without you,
Was no place to live,
My life was forever changed,
When I finally got out of my own way.
I was gonna post a couple more, but well they were a bit graphic. Still these get the point across I think. Praise God I know longer have to feel this way!!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
A Blessing in the Night!
Now normally when your child wakes up at 3 am it's not considered a blessing. Tonight(well this morning) was different! Catie woke up at 3am crying so hard. Raymond went in first and I went to get here some water. At first she was very inconsolable,and she kept saying,"I pee,I pee." Yep she had peed the bed through her diaper and was so upset and embarrassed. We got her changed and put new sheets on the bed. While we were laying her down she was still crying. She then put her hands together and simply said,"Pray."
Now,because I don't want you to miss it...YES THAT WAS THE BLESSING!!! I said,"You wanna pray sweetie." She nodded yes and smiled. After daddy prayed for her she stopped crying and gave us her ritual kiss,then big hug,and a high five to top it all off. Now, again this may not seem like anything big to you,but for a mom whose greatest desire is for her children to come to know and love God and His Son Jesus. Well, this is just AWESOME!!! When your kid wants to pray you jump all over that! I'm so proud of my sweet,sweet girl. Even in a time when she was so upset she new that she would feel better after a chat with,"God and Cheesus(Jesus)!" That she already finds comfort in prayer is such an amazing feeling! If I never touch another persons life(I totally intend too though) God intrusted us with these beautiful little goofballs! They will have every opportunity to know God and His Son. I can't wait for Nathan to get older so he starts to get what's going on. I love that we can ask Catie who we pray to and she says"God," with absolutely no hesitation!! I am just in awe of God's love for our family and the many blessings He gives us daily! Thank You,Thank You,Thank You Lord!!!
Now,because I don't want you to miss it...YES THAT WAS THE BLESSING!!! I said,"You wanna pray sweetie." She nodded yes and smiled. After daddy prayed for her she stopped crying and gave us her ritual kiss,then big hug,and a high five to top it all off. Now, again this may not seem like anything big to you,but for a mom whose greatest desire is for her children to come to know and love God and His Son Jesus. Well, this is just AWESOME!!! When your kid wants to pray you jump all over that! I'm so proud of my sweet,sweet girl. Even in a time when she was so upset she new that she would feel better after a chat with,"God and Cheesus(Jesus)!" That she already finds comfort in prayer is such an amazing feeling! If I never touch another persons life(I totally intend too though) God intrusted us with these beautiful little goofballs! They will have every opportunity to know God and His Son. I can't wait for Nathan to get older so he starts to get what's going on. I love that we can ask Catie who we pray to and she says"God," with absolutely no hesitation!! I am just in awe of God's love for our family and the many blessings He gives us daily! Thank You,Thank You,Thank You Lord!!!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Yes I'm THAT Mom...
There are many things that I guess I wasn't clued in on when I became a mom. So now I'm THAT mom who does or doesn't do the things I am clearly "Supposed" to do! Here is a few "Good Mommy Rules" I've broken A LOT!! (Disclaimer: My kids are alive and happy so no these RULES hold no weight with me.They work for some moms and not for others.This is strictly for humor:)
1. When your child falls you must snatch them up as quick as they fall and shower them with kisses and the mommy chant,"Shh it's okay sweetie,it's okay." My response almost always is "You're okay" or "Nice Landing Catie." My daughter jumps off of everything I'd never say anything else if i just showered her in the mommy chant every time she fell. Also she might lose her super awesome daredevil fearlessness and secretly I love that!!! Now don't get me wrong if my kid is in fact hurt I will do all the gooshy kisses and comforting! But here case in point: My daughter jumps of a piece of playground equipment 2ft off the ground hits the ground and rolls! I say,"Nice landing Catie.Now next time see if you can get 3 rolls instead of just two(I chuckle a bit)." Now mommy in blue as you cut me your most disgusted look ,remember... your kid is still crying 10 min after falling on their butt. And he just lost his balance walking,oh and he's atleast 2 yrs older than Catie. My daughter just flew through the air hit the ground and rolled two times and is back up playing 20 seconds later!! Just saying.....There are different kinds of moms don't hate on my methods Girrll lol!
2.You must freak out when your kid draws on the wall or themselves. My response to this is removing the drawing utensil from Picasso Jr and take pictures of the artwork. Hey it's my fault I left it where she could get it and atleast she's doing something creative! I want my kids to grow up to do something they love! Support the Arts y'all!! Guess what it washes off,Pick your battles lol!
3. You must feed your kids the most healthy organic food you can find! Okay so my kid is on a chicken kick so she eats that like crazy,but my kid also is quite fond of her carbs. I do what I can to give her healthy carbs like sweet potatoes,beans,and corn. But a little Mac&cheese never hurt anyone!! I love my kids and care about there health but my daughter literally ran around the living room for a half an hour before her nap (I timed her for fun 32min y'all)! And when I mean non stop I mean NONSTOP!! I think she'll burn it off :)
Well that's all of them for now. Now remember I am not talking down anyone else's parenting skills and I'm not bragging on mine by any means. But this is what works for mine. I wish mom's could just accept that not everyone parents like them,and just relax I have! My kids are enough to handle I'll leave the parenting of other kids up to there mom's and offer advice when it's wanted lol. All I know is what works for my little loves,and I figure out new stuff daily!
1. When your child falls you must snatch them up as quick as they fall and shower them with kisses and the mommy chant,"Shh it's okay sweetie,it's okay." My response almost always is "You're okay" or "Nice Landing Catie." My daughter jumps off of everything I'd never say anything else if i just showered her in the mommy chant every time she fell. Also she might lose her super awesome daredevil fearlessness and secretly I love that!!! Now don't get me wrong if my kid is in fact hurt I will do all the gooshy kisses and comforting! But here case in point: My daughter jumps of a piece of playground equipment 2ft off the ground hits the ground and rolls! I say,"Nice landing Catie.Now next time see if you can get 3 rolls instead of just two(I chuckle a bit)." Now mommy in blue as you cut me your most disgusted look ,remember... your kid is still crying 10 min after falling on their butt. And he just lost his balance walking,oh and he's atleast 2 yrs older than Catie. My daughter just flew through the air hit the ground and rolled two times and is back up playing 20 seconds later!! Just saying.....There are different kinds of moms don't hate on my methods Girrll lol!
2.You must freak out when your kid draws on the wall or themselves. My response to this is removing the drawing utensil from Picasso Jr and take pictures of the artwork. Hey it's my fault I left it where she could get it and atleast she's doing something creative! I want my kids to grow up to do something they love! Support the Arts y'all!! Guess what it washes off,Pick your battles lol!
Well that's all of them for now. Now remember I am not talking down anyone else's parenting skills and I'm not bragging on mine by any means. But this is what works for mine. I wish mom's could just accept that not everyone parents like them,and just relax I have! My kids are enough to handle I'll leave the parenting of other kids up to there mom's and offer advice when it's wanted lol. All I know is what works for my little loves,and I figure out new stuff daily!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Back in the Saddle!
Alright so since my last entry a lot has happen. Mostly life has been happening and mostly it's been great!! God has been blessing us like crazy. Nathan is all over the place and Catie is talking and really stepping up her big sister game. She loves her brother,especially during photo ops. She's kinda ridiculous about pictures right now!
Small groups at Harvest have been life changers for us from the start! Whether it's been meeting my besties at my own group in Sept '11,or Anna's group helping my husband grow tremendously! This time around though we've been able to attend one together. For the last couple months we've been joining the Stewarts in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, and it's been Legen(Wait for it....)Dary, LEGENDARY!! It has helped us to become more financially savvy and become much greater support systems for one another. We've always had each others backs but we are truly on the same page now and it ROCKS!! It's so nice to have an end in sight to the stress attached to being in debt.We are so glad that we will be leaving the little ones with an inheritance and not a big bill.
In this all God has shown us how much He is faithful to bless you when you tithe! No we don't have a large random chunk of money that has just fallen into our laps,but we have truly been cared for by a loving Father:) He blows my mind daily. He knows exactly what we need when we need and is always faithful to provide. Not just monetarily,but emotionally and spiritually as well. When I'm having a rough day he always puts someone in my path to remind me how blessed I am. It's funny how it's usually Catie. I think God gave me Catie so I never forget to laugh daily. And for someone with a pretty hardcore history of depression that's huge. What can I say my God is AWESOME <3
Small groups at Harvest have been life changers for us from the start! Whether it's been meeting my besties at my own group in Sept '11,or Anna's group helping my husband grow tremendously! This time around though we've been able to attend one together. For the last couple months we've been joining the Stewarts in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, and it's been Legen(Wait for it....)Dary, LEGENDARY!! It has helped us to become more financially savvy and become much greater support systems for one another. We've always had each others backs but we are truly on the same page now and it ROCKS!! It's so nice to have an end in sight to the stress attached to being in debt.We are so glad that we will be leaving the little ones with an inheritance and not a big bill.
In this all God has shown us how much He is faithful to bless you when you tithe! No we don't have a large random chunk of money that has just fallen into our laps,but we have truly been cared for by a loving Father:) He blows my mind daily. He knows exactly what we need when we need and is always faithful to provide. Not just monetarily,but emotionally and spiritually as well. When I'm having a rough day he always puts someone in my path to remind me how blessed I am. It's funny how it's usually Catie. I think God gave me Catie so I never forget to laugh daily. And for someone with a pretty hardcore history of depression that's huge. What can I say my God is AWESOME <3
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
The De-Fluffing Divas: Going from Fluffy Yet Fine to Fit and Foxy: More Pics from the Sticks
The De-Fluffing Divas: Going from Fluffy Yet Fine to Fit and Foxy: More Pics from the Sticks: Before I start, I just wanted to thank a most fabu person, Liz Mulcahy, for making me feel totally normal. That is shockingly hard to do. ...
Friday, February 3, 2012
Queen For A Day!!!
Women of all ages struggle with their looks. We always seem to be too fat,too short,our nose is too big,and so on. The struggle with that goes so much deeper when the people who are supposed to love you are pointing out your every flaw the entire time you are growing up! It takes so long for those strongholds that The Enemy has placed in your mind to disappear. But luckily God gave me a wonderful support group that has been helping tear them down little by little! Especially my wonderful husband!
Jan.28th,2012 Some amazing,beautiful,kind,funny,and faithful women made me queen for a day. I had never had so many people surrounding me with love and kindness. It is a day I will never forget! It was definitely something I had never experienced. People watching me showcase different outfits,painting my nails,doing my hair and makeup!! It was absolutely incredible.
The best part was the fellowship. I met some strong Christian women that I hope are always gonna be part of my life. I never realized until then how much fun it could be to be surrounded by such awesome women. But even more than fun it was so encouraging. I didn't even know how to handle all the compliments. That's something I've always struggled with. I've never felt worthy of that much attention.
I can honestly say that I have made friends for life with these women(Whether they like it or not hehe ;)! I am looking forward to any time I get around these encouraging and i hope to be part of their next makeover. I can't wait to help make someone feel as special as they made me feel!!
Jan.28th,2012 Some amazing,beautiful,kind,funny,and faithful women made me queen for a day. I had never had so many people surrounding me with love and kindness. It is a day I will never forget! It was definitely something I had never experienced. People watching me showcase different outfits,painting my nails,doing my hair and makeup!! It was absolutely incredible.
The best part was the fellowship. I met some strong Christian women that I hope are always gonna be part of my life. I never realized until then how much fun it could be to be surrounded by such awesome women. But even more than fun it was so encouraging. I didn't even know how to handle all the compliments. That's something I've always struggled with. I've never felt worthy of that much attention.
I can honestly say that I have made friends for life with these women(Whether they like it or not hehe ;)! I am looking forward to any time I get around these encouraging and i hope to be part of their next makeover. I can't wait to help make someone feel as special as they made me feel!!
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| Like Mother Like Daughter...So Pretty! |
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| Girl Talk |
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| Look at those contagious smiles! |
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| Before...Love this shirt! |
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| What's a ladies night without a glass of wine?! |
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| Beautiful Anna w/Sweet LuLu! |
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| So Sweet! |
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| Pickin a Nail Color..settled on Passion Fruit |
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| Overwhelmed in the best of ways!! |
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| Look at those Chatty Cathy's! |
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| Gorgeous Aren't They! |
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| What a Pretty Family! |
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| Uh Oh! 1st Time with curlers in! |
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| Wicked Witch lol! |
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| Now That's A Friend! |
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| Work in Progress!! |
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| Curlers Out! |
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| Finished product! |
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| I love Me some LULU! |
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| Look How Handsome My Husband Looks!! |
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Almost 2 yrs of Motherhood...that's alot of laughter :)
April 2nd,2010 Catherine Lynn Grubbs entered my life and changed it forever. Sure that's a pretty obvious statement,but it couldn't be more true. She has been such a blessing. She is smart,kind-hearted,mischievous,and absolutely hilarious! And now she is an awesome big sister.
She loves her baby brother,Nathan,so much. It is so funny to watch her with him. Yesterday she was walking around with her sand castle bucket on her head laughing. She does this all the time and it is so cute. All of a sudden she bends down and starts talking to Nathan,and before I could blink she had the bucket on his head. My favorite thing is when he starts crying she rubs the top of his head and says,"It's okay,okay!" It is the sweetest thing ever.
God gives me sweet moments like this daily. But more than the Aww moments He gives me moments of pure comedy. Like my daughter putting her blanket over her head and running through the house. Or the always entertaining dances she does in front of the tv. I am totally convinced that my child is crazy at times. She loves being spun in the office chair,and she gets frustrated is you're not spinning her fast enough. She is also quite talented at air drums lol!!
And now we have the added laughter caused by a very gassy lil boy. Let's just say he has no problem holding a very LOW note for over 2 minutes. Any mother out there knows that the sounds that come out of a baby are not always sweet lil coos. The best part is that his lovely lil toots start a chain reaction with my daughter who feels the need to out do her lil bro. Yes she already competes with him and he isn't even 2 months old yet. She will force gas out and laugh so hard her face turns red.
As a stay at home mom my days are full of moments like this and I am so grateful. God has given me the gift of motherhood and I will never take that for granted. I know that God has trusted me with these precious angels,and they are the best!!
She loves her baby brother,Nathan,so much. It is so funny to watch her with him. Yesterday she was walking around with her sand castle bucket on her head laughing. She does this all the time and it is so cute. All of a sudden she bends down and starts talking to Nathan,and before I could blink she had the bucket on his head. My favorite thing is when he starts crying she rubs the top of his head and says,"It's okay,okay!" It is the sweetest thing ever.
God gives me sweet moments like this daily. But more than the Aww moments He gives me moments of pure comedy. Like my daughter putting her blanket over her head and running through the house. Or the always entertaining dances she does in front of the tv. I am totally convinced that my child is crazy at times. She loves being spun in the office chair,and she gets frustrated is you're not spinning her fast enough. She is also quite talented at air drums lol!!
And now we have the added laughter caused by a very gassy lil boy. Let's just say he has no problem holding a very LOW note for over 2 minutes. Any mother out there knows that the sounds that come out of a baby are not always sweet lil coos. The best part is that his lovely lil toots start a chain reaction with my daughter who feels the need to out do her lil bro. Yes she already competes with him and he isn't even 2 months old yet. She will force gas out and laugh so hard her face turns red.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Mommy Of 2...WOW!!!
On Dec 6th,2011 my son Nathanael Dale Grubbs was born! Thus God has completed my family. I am now a mommy of two beautiful children. Ofcourse it could've gone a bit smoother in the beginning. Again I found myself in the hospital with my baby after being released. Nathan wasn't eating enough and couldn't keep his temperature up. So, yet again I had to see my baby hooked up to IVs. It's heart breaking especially after having prayed the entire time you were pregnant for things to be different.
My pregnancy was extremely painful,but I didn't care because I just wanted my lil ones journey into the world to be a smooth one. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. He was breach so when I went to the hospital in labor that morning I knew I was looking at a C Section. I was perfectly content with that. I knew well over a month before the day that it would mostly likely be that way. So mentally I was totally prepared. It wasn't bad either I was up and walking around in half the usual time. I was determined to get home asap. I missed my lil girl! No my pain is something I can just suck it up and deal with,but when it comes to my children. The last thing I wanted was to see my lil one poked and prodded again. On top of all that when we got home from the hospital I was sick and so were both of my lil ones. We battled it for about 3 weeks!
Praise God for getting me through it though! As hard as it was (Especially the whole not sleeping for well over 24 hrs) my baby boy is home and healthy,and his big sister is back to her normal mischievous self again. Now my daily struggle is clouded by a different sickness. Yep...again I'm battling postpartum depression. Luckily I was able to recognize the symptoms and get help much sooner this time around. I know that the prayer of my friends and family along with my Dr's help I will get through this and finally get back to my normal self. It's not an easy thing to wait for though. Some days I just feel so out of it. Like I'm just going through the motions. But not a day goes by that God doesn't give me moments that just make my heart burst with love and laughter. Like my sons lil smiles. Or Catie's quirky lil habits. She really is a hilarious child. For all the things that I have faced in my life God has been there whether I acknowledged it at the time or not! I am so blessed to have such a loving Heavenly Father!!!
So,here I am the stay at home mommy of a 21m/o and a 1m/o. It's not easy,but it is oh so worth it. I can't imagine my life with out my children and husband. It would be a dark life indeed!
My pregnancy was extremely painful,but I didn't care because I just wanted my lil ones journey into the world to be a smooth one. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. He was breach so when I went to the hospital in labor that morning I knew I was looking at a C Section. I was perfectly content with that. I knew well over a month before the day that it would mostly likely be that way. So mentally I was totally prepared. It wasn't bad either I was up and walking around in half the usual time. I was determined to get home asap. I missed my lil girl! No my pain is something I can just suck it up and deal with,but when it comes to my children. The last thing I wanted was to see my lil one poked and prodded again. On top of all that when we got home from the hospital I was sick and so were both of my lil ones. We battled it for about 3 weeks!
Praise God for getting me through it though! As hard as it was (Especially the whole not sleeping for well over 24 hrs) my baby boy is home and healthy,and his big sister is back to her normal mischievous self again. Now my daily struggle is clouded by a different sickness. Yep...again I'm battling postpartum depression. Luckily I was able to recognize the symptoms and get help much sooner this time around. I know that the prayer of my friends and family along with my Dr's help I will get through this and finally get back to my normal self. It's not an easy thing to wait for though. Some days I just feel so out of it. Like I'm just going through the motions. But not a day goes by that God doesn't give me moments that just make my heart burst with love and laughter. Like my sons lil smiles. Or Catie's quirky lil habits. She really is a hilarious child. For all the things that I have faced in my life God has been there whether I acknowledged it at the time or not! I am so blessed to have such a loving Heavenly Father!!!
So,here I am the stay at home mommy of a 21m/o and a 1m/o. It's not easy,but it is oh so worth it. I can't imagine my life with out my children and husband. It would be a dark life indeed!
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